An exchange between Marie Baeten from the University of Antwerp and Ali (pen name) from Nicaragua.
This article mentions sexual abuse and abortion
Letter 1
Dear Ali,
I have been staring at my screen for quite a while, thinking about which words could fill my letter.
Writing a paper is ‘easy’, you line up facts, you read, you research, and you hope that there won’t be too many revisions. It is rational, you are working with facts, and you write for a broad(ish) audience.
But writing a letter is hard, I can’t let my own words flow through references and what has been written before me.
I start with a blank page. Thinking about what you, as my singular audience, might want to hear or might want to do. Up until I read your name and your interests, you were a stranger.
Luckily for us, we already have two things that bind us: we are students and we are interested in reproductive health and sexuality. Throughout these letters, we will converse about this, but hopefully, we will find more similarities, so that at the end of this you are not a stranger anymore, but a friend who is an ocean across.
When we’re talking about reproductive health & sexuality, you said you were interested in the immersion of the subject into a proper curriculum aimed at underaged youth. I think while it might not be the first thing one thinks about when talking about the SDGs, we have found an intersection between five of the SDGs (good health & well-being, quality education, gender equality, reduced inequalities, and peace – justice & strong institutions). I believe that what we are talking about takes small and large pieces of each of these goals. Do you agree with this?
I think that in future letters we can talk and debate about what we see as an ideal future, how we see how this can be reached, what pitfalls are, and where strengths and opportunities lie. But for now, I’m interested in how you got here. Why is this theme important to you? How is the topic perceived where you live? What are the small moments of joy you can find in your passion?
I hope you can answer this in your reply and for the rest of this letter I will answer these questions myself.
Firstly, a bit of background on myself and where I live.
I’m Marie, I am 23 and I live in Belgium. I am a university student and I’m active as a volunteer in diverse organizations. When I look back at my youth, sexual education was less-than-stellar in my school. This has been a while ago and changes have been made, there are clear governmental guidelines about what kids should learn, but there is still a lot of room for growth, for more focus on diversity and not only the ‘norm’ when talking about reproductive health and sexuality. But I can also see that I am lucky, that we have clear guidelines, that all pupils do get classes on this.
But there are still a lot of stigmas on things like sex, sexuality, periods, sexual violence… with all its negative consequences.
The second question: why is this theme important to me?
I have always been interested in social justice and caring about the people around me. I’ve been volunteering for different organizations since I was a kid and I’ve always focused on doing good and social justice in all my studies. I have a degree in journalism, which was followed by a Bachelor’s in audiovisual design, but after a year I changed that for a Master’s in Gender & Diversity, and that is truly where my heart lies. While my degree is broad, I narrowed down very early where my area of ‘expertise’ would be. I try to mainly work, write, and view my classes through a lens of sexual violence. I am passionate about learning more about it, with the hope that one day, I might be able to help people and initiate better changes.
I’ve been working with this theme for about a year and a half and throughout my work; education, gender-based violence, sexuality, and reproductive health have become very important ‘tools’ to view papers, research, and the world.
That is why this project was so interesting for me. I form my ideas through my own experiences and papers I’ve read, but this is an opportunity to hear another voice, to get new ideas, to get new opinions.
So, anything you’d like to say, propose, or ask, please do, because this theme is important to me, and everything I can learn from you, will be a true gift.
Lastly, the small moments of joy.
It might be an odd question to ask, but working with themes that are deemed ‘taboo can get tough. And I’ve always been a person that finds happiness in the small things. I am someone who builds her story from the small things, and I believe you can become happier doing this.
An example of a recent moment of joy was a message I got from a student, she read a paper I wrote for an exam about the implementation of the right representation of sexual violence in his university course with practical tips to make it better. After she wrote the paper, she sent me a picture of her watching a documentary and one of her reading a book that is very close to my heart about sexual violence.
Something that might seem small, a simple picture, gave me new energy.
I inspired a person to learn more and look for the right facts. To think about biases or myths she might hold. It might be only one person, but for me, it is symbolic of the start of something bigger, a change that I can bring as a motivated person.
So that was a lot about me ☺
I hope I can learn a lot more about you very soon.
Warmest wishes,
Marie
Letter 2
Dear Marie,
Reading your letter and seeing the passion that you have for the topic of sexual and reproductive health was truly inspiring. It goes without saying that usually, any conversation surrounding these topics generates a lot of discomfort due to the pre-existing stigmas and also the fact that it may be sensitive to a lot of people. Seeing as you already have experience and knowledge when it comes to this, I look forward to really digging deep and having meaningful, open conversations about the way in which we both experience the topic of sexual health in our own separate realities.
I would like to start off by answering the questions that you asked about in your letter. Reading your own answers to those questions allowed me to get to know you and your perspective a bit better, so I hope my answers do the same for you.
Starting with some background about me and how it is where I live.
My name is Ali and I’m 20 years old. I was born in Managua, Nicaragua which is also where I’m currently living. It’s honestly difficult to mention the good things that have been done in my country regarding our topic, simply because there aren’t many things. There are plenty of laws and guidelines that have been set in order to protect sexual and reproductive rights, which is good, but they’re rarely carried out in schools and public health institutions. Each school is in charge of forming its own sex-ed curriculum, so usually they don’t prioritize teaching students about it. I see the repercussions in my day-to-day life; we currently have one of the highest adolescent birth rates in all of Latin America, which says a lot. There’s clearly a lot of room for improvement which I’m excited to discuss with you during the time that we have.
The second question is why this theme is important to me.
Ever since high school, I have always been interested in everything surrounding gender equality and human rights. I participated in a few OAS simulations where we debated about various human rights and world crisis topics (I’ve always enjoyed a good debate) and I have also done some volunteer work with kids and women in underprivileged situations. I’m currently studying psychology because I believe there’s a lot to be done when it comes to mental health awareness and I want to use my knowledge in the field to help those who need it. Like you, I also love caring for people and showing kindness to my community. Overall, I hold this theme very close to my heart because I look forward to a future in which women’s lives are no longer dictated by taboos and stigmas, and also because I believe that everyone, regardless of gender, deserves to have a good sexual education to gain knowledge and control over our own bodies.
The last question was about the small moments of joy.
I really like this question. A few years ago I had the chance to volunteer for a program aimed to help elementary school kids that come from low-income families with their reading and writing skills. I worked with a particular girl for a couple of months and was able to form a bond with her. It brought me joy and satisfaction when she told me one day that she wished that all of her teachers were like me. As a 16-year-old high school student with zero teaching experience, that small comment made me feel like I had accomplished my purpose and was doing something right.
So far, in both of our letters, we have talked about what sex education looks like in our country’s schools. You mentioned that in Belgium, some improvements have been made through guidelines that the government set; I’m curious about what these guidelines are and how they differ from what kids were being taught before.
I’m also interested in knowing about the stigmas and stereotypes surrounding sexual health that are ingrained in your culture.
In my culture, gender roles are very common in families, therefore it is normal to see the amount of liberty that boys get in comparison to girls. Because of purity culture, girls are very overprotected by their families from a young age to the point where a lot of them are discouraged from being in a relationship or showing romantic interest towards someone. In a way, they are expected to fulfill all of their “womanly duties”, such as caring for their younger siblings and being in charge of household chores while still attempting to keep their “innocence” intact. A big tradition in Latin American countries, including my own, is the celebration of a girl’s fifteenth birthday (quinceañera), which represents the transition from girlhood to womanhood. A lot of families place huge importance on this transition which can also be very detrimental to the girl since it’s a big shift from always being treated like a child to all of a sudden being seen and treated like a grown woman. All of these traditions and cultural values have a direct impact on the amount of ignorance about sex and reproductive health.
I’d also like to open the following question: What does the sexual violence situation look like in your country?
In Nicaragua, there is a big problem with the amount of sexual violence. Sadly, not many victims come forward with their stories since most cases of violence occur within the household, and the aggressors are usually close family members. Not many things are being done on behalf of the government in order to protect the integrity of the victims. For example, all forms of abortion under any circumstance were officially penalized in 2008, leaving rape victims with no choice up to this day. A lot of sexual violence victims rely on aid from nonprofit organizations. For example, House of Hope, where I volunteered for a short period of time, is a non-profit designated to help sex workers escape from violent situations, which is very common in their line of work. House of Hope gives them shelter and helps them find another source of income to support themselves and their children.
With nothing more to add, I look forward to reading your response and continuing our conversation on this fascinating topic.
Yours truly,
Ali.
Letter 3
Dear Ali
It was a pleasure and privilege reading your thoughtful letter.
To answer your first question about the curriculum in Belgium. Before the changes, everybody got sex education, but it could differ a bit. For me for example in primary school, the sex education in the last two years was split between boys and girls and you only learned about your own sex, so the boys for example barely knew anything about periods, etc. In high school, there were already set rules about it in biology but for example, anything to do with gay sex was not in these guidelines, and neither did I ever learn anything about consent.
Now there are guidelines and ending terms for all school-going pupils from kindergarten to the end of high school. Toddlers must for example learn about their own body, know what they can do without bringing themselves or others into danger… In primary school, other elements like basic sex education, but also ICT safety are embedded into the curriculum. For high school, this is split with specific goals every two years including learning about puberty, ‘real’ vs. ‘fake bodies’, gender and sexuality, consent, knowing important organizations, different kinds of relations, and pleasure … While I have no experience with these lessons, it is a true step forward comparing with what I received.
Your next question was on stigmas and stereotypes.
I think here in Belgium we like to believe we are very forward-thinking, but I think maybe it is less than we like to believe. For example, lots of girls for examples still get schooled on proper behavior, clothing, and where to be and not to be instead of actually working on the root cause of violence and safety. For example, working around the house, it is not the women that is expected to do it all, so no real cultural preset but it is my hypothesis that a lot of women still do most of the housework like cooking, cleaning, and childcare on top of their jobs. I think there are still some stigmas on sex and gender roles (like birth control, debate on abortion, and sex workers), because law changes do not immediately change how people talk about a certain subject, but I do hope more positive changes will be made in the future. While I have still a lot to say or add to this topic, I do think I’m in a country where there is a lot of freedom and fewer societal expectations, but that does not mean that we shouldn’t try to progress more.
The last question you posed was the sexual violence situation in Belgium. I think it is worse than people like to believe it is. A recent study called UN-MENAMAIS showed that 64% of people aged 16 to 69 (81% of women, 48% of men) have encountered some kind of sexual violence (hands-on or hands-off) in their lives. For numbers about rape, this is 19% of women and 5% of men.
The study also assessed some risk factors like being part of LGBTQI+, being older or being an applicant for international protection. I feel like not enough is being done. There is a big societal stigma around sexual violence, but also a lot of misconceptions and myths going around.
There are some positive changes. Last year the sexual criminal law changed in a more positive way. Clearly stating consent, aggravating factors… but legal rulings are only one part of the problem. Also, in caring for victims there are the ‘sexual assault centers’. Victims can go there, but also if you go to a hospital or the police after for example a rape, they will guide you here. It’s a center where victims can receive medical care, psychological care, and forensic examination, but also file a police complaint and get follow-up. This is truly an amazing initiative.
But legal changes and the centers are only part of the story and for the rest, I feel like Belgium lacks a bit. Real legislative changes, attempts to teach about rape myths to a broader group of people, and tackling the problem of acquaintance rape instead of focusing on the horrid “strangers in the bushes” story, still seem to be difficult.
When I read your letter, the hardest part for me was reading about abortions. I think it is a difficult debate at this time. If you look at the USA, things seem to be going backward instead of forwards. In Belgium, abortions can go now on until 12 weeks. A group of experts put together by the government said it should go to a minimum of 18 weeks. There is some backlash on this, but at least the government is now willing to sign until 14 weeks, which is only an extra two weeks. I have no idea where the debate or law will go, but it is a hopeful progression.
A question from me to you for your next letter: what are some threats you can see?
I think for me in Belgium it is once again a rising of more far-right-minded individuals. These political parties and groups are gaining quite a bit of traction. And for me personally, the last few months when I go outside, I have seen more outright sexism, homophobia, xenophobia, and racism. I know that I have my own bubble of open-minded people, and before these kinds of nasty remarks were more reserved for online fora like Twitter or comment sections of news articles, but you hear more and more people saying horrible things on the streets. While the more far-right parties are still blocked from governing by the others, it is still kind of scary, in the city where I live, they had 20% of all votes last election, and I know it is going to be more next year. It is scary to see how they package nothing into something. Here there is a big debate about ‘woke’ and how it is the next big threat. I went into a discussion with someone last week about this and I just asked if woke is so bad. 1) What is it? 2) Name one person who, with no reason whatsoever, was ‘canceled’ because of woke. Neither question had a good response and for the ‘canceled person’ he brought up a tv presenter who told a story about how he raped someone in the past, who has said outlandishly racist things, and who is still on air now. But still, everything the media talks about in the last few weeks is this topic. And that’s the scary part, that these parties have the power to set agenda topics and get the media to talk for weeks about a threat that isn’t one.
So, this was my last letter for this project to you.
However, I do hope to continue to keep talking to you after this.
Kind regards and warmest wishes
Your friend, Marie
Letter 4
Dear Marie,
It has been a pleasure writing to you and reading about your perspective regarding the sexual health situation in your country. In your most recent letter, you asked me about some of the threats that I can see. We
are currently under the leadership of a president that has been publicly accused of rape twice, in separate instances, both of which he has denied. Anyone who has been accused of rape, not once but twice, is clearly someone of questionable morality, so regardless of his efforts to overshadow the voices of those who have spoken up against him, it is evident that those accusations explain the lack of interest that he shows when it comes to dealing with sexual violence and
gender inequality in the country. This president has been in power since 2007 and during this time he has penalized all forms of abortion, has stripped various feminist organizations of their legal status, and has allowed political prisoners to be sexually and physically assaulted under the hands of prison guards, amongst many other things.
So for these reasons, I consider the current political party to be one of the biggest threats, due to the fact that many people look up to it and consequently, their minds are directly influenced by everything that is said and done by the regime.
Like you, I have also noticed a growth in sexism and misogyny which is evident to me whenever I step outside and walk around. Street harassment and catcalling are very common and most women deal with it by simply ignoring the comments out of fear and since it’s such a normalized occurrence. This sort of violence does not come with legal consequences for the aggressor. Overall, the concept of consent
falls under a very gray area, legally speaking. For example, the penal code dictates that any sexual relationship with someone who is under 14 years old immediately falls under the category of rape, however, if the minor has a romantic relationship then it automatically signifies that the sexual relationship was consensual, resulting in no legal consequences for the abuser. In general, sentences for rape can range up to 25 years if not more, depending on the specific situation, some cases can be met
with a life sentence. Sadly, a lot of cases remain unsolved due to “lack of evidence” or bribery on behalf of the abuser. This comes without saying that a great number of sexual assault cases go unreported since a lot of them occur at home and the victim doesn’t feel safe speaking out.
Despite there being lots of social stigmas surrounding sexual health and the presence of a legal system that hasn’t done much to improve the situation, the community has done a great job at making impactful changes. Social media has become a somewhat safe space for people to share information about issues that schools and government institutions refuse to address. There are plenty of local human rights associations that spread information via social media and have taken it upon themselves to educate others on topics such as consent, being able to detect signs of domestic violence, steps to take when you find yourself in danger, etc. And although it is illegal, people have also found ways to use social media to spread information about how to safely conduct a medical abortion using pills, since there is no other way for people to inform themselves on this topic. All of those initiatives are very helpful given the lack of government assistance, the community has learned to rely on each other. I’ve noticed that the more people talk about subjects like these, the more victims are inclined to speak out about their own experiences with sexual assault and domestic violence, hence breaking the cycle of silence. There is still a lot of work to be done, but I can’t deny that there has been lots of progress over the years when it comes to breaking those taboos.
With this, I end my last letter to you. It has been a great privilege getting to learn about your country through your own experiences. I hope we continue getting to know each other.
Yours truly,
Ali.